Wild Animals I have Known by Ernest Thompson Seton

Wild Animals I have Known is a collection of short stories.  The first one is about a wolf that terrorized farmers for years until a large enough bounty was put on his head.  Then comes a crow that organizes the other crows like an army.  Raggylug the rabbit learns in the third short story how to live like a rabbit.  The fourth story is more personal and is about the author's own dog.  A cruel and beautiful family of foxes strive to outwit humans in the next short story.  Then several people try to tame a mustang, who is the champion of the western range.  Wully is a dog with a dark secret.  Finally, the last short story is about the life of the largest partridge in several states.

The problem that people in the time this book was written had was that he appeared to believe that the events in the stories were true and plausible.  I don't entirely know whether the introduction that said that Seton believed that these were perfectly true stories was sincere or the type of warning that goes with many books in the fiction sections, usually spoken by a character, assuring that the strangest of events are true.  Seton, along with many others, sparked a controversy about teaching the public misinformation about what animals can and can't do. 

Every last one is written in a prose that is flowery without growing boring.  It captures the spirit of the animal kingdom, and writes only of legendary creatures, never giving us one that we would think of as mundane or average.  Every story has the feel of a fairy-tale about it.  I was a bit annoyed by three of them ending in more or less the exact same way ("Lobo, the King of Currumpaw", "The Springfield Fox", and "The Pacing Mustang",) but Seton warns us in the beginning that many animals have their stories end that way.

Candor by Pam Bachorz

Music is always playing in the ideal suburbs of Candor.  The kicker is that the music is riddled with subliminal messages that tell the people of Candor how to behave perfectly.  Nobody is ever late or rude or delinquent.  Oscar is the son of the man who runs Candor, and he has long ago caught on to the subliminal messages.  While he maintains the façade of being the perfect citizen of Candor, he helps others escape if they come to him before the messages take effect and they have enough money.  The latest client that he decides to help is a girl named Nia.  We all know what happens in any book when the protagonist and somebody new of the opposite gender get anywhere within the general vicinity of each other.

Throughout the first half of the book, it's very creepy how he sees Nia.  He cannot go an entire chapter without imagining her naked.  His imagination consists solely of a naked Nia against varying backdrops: Nia naked at the sprinklers, Nia naked at the pool, Nia naked at his house... the list goes on and on.  Then he lies to her about the messages.  For some reason that is never explained, he doesn't tell her that the messages exist.  He's even willing to get Sherman, who Oscar hates because Sherman is fat, completely mind-wiped and horribly damaged just so Nia won't hear about the messages.  Why is he withholding this information in the first place?  The world may never know.  Don't worry.  That horrible fat Sherman gets his mind wiped for a different reason that is entirely Oscar's fault.

Despite this, Candor is a really good book.  Nia especially is  incredible as a character.  Oscar's creepy lust eventually develops into genuine care.  The city of Candor is a marvelous dystopia.  It's actually based on a real city in Florida, designed by Disney, that planned many aspects of people's lives!  Obviously, the real city was nowhere near as controlling or sneaky as Candor.

Vurt by Jeff Noon

Scribble was in love with his sister, and they had a very... physical relationship, which is spelled out for the reader lovingly and with a lot of detail.  Unfortunately, while he and his sister were taking a hallucinogenic feather, she was lost to the feather's world, and in her place, a lump of slime and flesh from the vurt world.  Also, for some reason, this is how Earth would look with not just feathers that can be used as drugs, but also with five different sentient species (humans, robots, dogs, shadows, and creatures from the Vurt, or the land where the feathers take people) who can all interbreed.  There's high prejudice both for and against people who are "pure" or come from only one species. The vurt is not an alternate dimension or universe, but simple a collection of dreams that are solidified by these feathers.

He has a gang of friends that help him along.  The objective is to re-switch the blob creature and his sister, so that both of them are in the world they belong in.

If you're thinking, "Oh, as I read it, this will all make sense in the story, and I will get an explanation," then you're wrong.  All of the questions you have at the start you will still have at the end.  If a new concept is introduced, expect it to continue to be mentioned without any way for he reader to know what it is. 

Also, if you plan on reading the children's or YA book The Last Book in the Universe, expect to see a lot of familiarities.  The Last Book in the Universe is about a kid living in a world where everybody is obsessed with a form of hallucinogens who is on a quest to save his sister and writes a book about it afterwards.  Both Spaz and Scribble have a little kid who tags along with them, too.  Vurt was written first, and it is a fairly well-known science fiction novel, so we can just assume that The Last Book in the Universe blatantly copied was inspired by Vurt.


Despite leaving readers in confusion from beginning to end and never explaining the world, I loved Vurt.  Somehow, not knowing who exactly Hobar was, or what exactly the feathers did, made them new every time they were used.  The settings were fun, even when they were coated in dog poop.  In fact, the entire world seemed wondrous, despite being willed with poverty, addiction, and incest. 

Fantastic Voyage by Isaac Asimov

We are at war with Them.  Both sides have developed the military technology of miniaturization, where things can be shrunk to any size.  The only catch is that the smaller someone is shrunk, the shorter they stay that way.  The only man who knows how to prolong miniaturization indefinitely is dying of a brain clot.  How will We ever win?

The answer is to miniaturize a bunch of people and a submarine and send them into the bloodstream to stop the clot.  Their pretty straightforward path gets sidetracked again and again as they end up exploring the heart, the lungs, and the brain, as well as many other parts of the body.

Now, in biology class, they had us play a similar video game to this, and this is a great case of me having a much better time reading a book than playing a video game.  The game's awkward controls didn't help the case.  I've also heard that Fantastic Voyage has been made into a movie, but I've never seen it.  I don't watch very many movies because they inevitably make everything look different from the way I imagined it, and whenever I think of the story thereafter, I always imagine the movie instead of the book.

The whole story seemed to me to involve a little too much of the author creating event after event to make a simple, straightforward journey last until the characters were running at the time.  Then I read the ending.  I don't want to give it away, but this is one of the only times where this is not the case. 

For somebody who doesn't know all of the technical details for the body, like me, Fantastic Voyage is filled with a new wonder around each page.  For somebody who does know all of those details, I imagine that it's a good read that proves that not everybody else is completely ignorant.  Either way, this book leads you on a suspenseful, scientific, and most of all, fantastic voyage.

The Great Divorce by C. S. Lewis

The Great Divorce starts with a man who has been walking through a grey city in the evening for a long time.  It's implied at the time to be hours, but later in the book, it's hinted that he's been there for a lot longer, anywhere from a few days to millions of years.  It's a dismal place filled with abandoned factories and the like.  He gets bored quickly and sees a line leading to a bus stop.  It's a long line, but he goes to the end of it.  People start leaving the line in front of him.  One leaves because he keeps getting insulted and hit and can't bear it long enough to get to where the line is going.  A couple go because they have no need for the line because they have each other.

He gets on the bus and talks to a few people.  When he gets off, he emerges in a whole new world.  he bus has flown to a wonderful new place where everything is several times more real.  The world is also many magnitudes more real than himself and the other passengers, and because what is fake cannot really affect what is real, he cannot move the blades of grass nor pick a daisy.  It is as if everything is made of immutable diamond.  This is heaven, and the place before was hell.  As soon as you cast off the things that were holding you down, you become solid like the rest of the world.

This interpretation was extremely fun to read.  At every turn, there was something or somebody new and fun.  A couple of the people who rejected heaven I found I had an unsettling resemblance to.  I'd like to see some comments as to whether anybody else saw themselves in the laughable caricatures of sinners.  I know that he wasn't intending it as an actual depiction of heaven, but his heaven sound like a place I'd really, really like to be at. 

A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

The full name is A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland From Being a Burden on Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick.  It's a bit of a mouthful, though.  I've known about A Modest Proposal for quite some time, but reading Three Worlds Collide brought it to the forefront of my mind.

A Modest Proposal offers a cure for overpopulation and the horrible condition of the poor.  Whenever the author walks through a poor area, there are always women begging on the streets with several children attached to them.  Without all of those annoying children, they might be able to get out of begging and do something useful to society.  Also, those children cost a fair amount to raise after their first year.  Swift's proposal is that once the babies have been around about a year, when they are nice and plump, they could be sold for a nice sum to the dinner tables of rich people.  He even gives a number of recipes!  Almost every aspect of the economy would benefit from this new item going on the market.

When A Modest Proposal was written, pretty much every scheme under the sun had been proposed for getting rid of those pesky poor.  Many didn't treat the poor as people or made some impressive leaps of logic.  A Modest Proposal is a parody of these, as well as off many other attitudes of the time.

The Limit by Kristen Landon

Matt was having a good time living with his family.  he had a 3.997 GPA and enough extra credit in English that he didn't need to do any more assignments for the rest of the year.  Unfortunately, he lives in a society where if somebody goes over the limit on something similar to a credit card, they have one of their children sent to a workhouse.  Guess what Matt's parents do?  Yep.

Once he gets there, he takes a test and ends up on the top floor, where the exceptionally smart kids are.  It's quite luxurious, with a pool, a gym, and a dance studio.  He can buy anything he wants, but if he wants his parents to get out of debt so that he can get home, he has to spend as little as possible on frivolities.  He works on complicated problems for major companies.  He must at the same time deal with some problems of his own: he seems unable to contact the outside world, one of his coworkers is never seen, and people on the lower floors are getting headaches and seizures.  What exactly is happening beneath the surface at this workhouse?

The Limit is fresh and exciting.  Time slipped away as I got lost in its pages.  Admittedly, the characters sometimes acted incredibly stupid for the sake of the plot, but that happened a lot less than in most books.  None of the parts dragged behind or made me impatient to get to the next thing.  Conversely, The Limit wasn't rushed and didn't skip details.  All in all, it was a wonderful book.

Vampirates: Demons of the Ocean by Justin Somper

Grace and Connor are twins who have always lived in a lighthouse.  One day, their father dies, and the bank takes the lighthouse.  Their only other options are becoming the bankers' children and staying at an orphanage, so they steal a ship and rush off to see.  Unfortunately, they get caught in a storm and their ship sinks.  The ship, that they mentioned that they were tied to with harnesses, sinks, and they are able to survive.  Those lovely harnesses just disappear once the ship sinks.  Grace is rescued by the same Vampirates she was warned about in her father's song.  Connor is rescued by regular pirates.  The captain of the regular pirates has a pet snake that eats dates.  As in the fruit.  On the ship, in his mock-battle with a regular pirate using mops, he wins on his second try, despite having never handled a sword.  Meanwhile, Grace must unravel the mystery of how the Vampirates' ship works.

Was the editor drunk?  There are many minor grammar errors that made me cringe.  Now, I probably have grammar and spelling errors on this blog, and I'd love it if you could point them out in the comments, but I don't have an editor.  I'll assume this book did have an editor, though this is a tenuous assumption.  I wish I had saved the page where a sentence is repeated twice in a paragraph, without any context or justification for doing so.

The characters were all a bit slow on the uptake.  Gee, you mean Lorcan wasn't really snubbing Grace?  Based on his behavior up to that point, I never would've guessed.

Justin Somper also does not know much about the things he writes about.  Captain Wrathe's snake eats dates.  There is not a single snake in the world that eats anything besides animals or insects.  The closest thing is a snake that eats eggs.  Also, if there is so much booty that is distributed fairly equally amongst the crew of the regular pirates' ship, then why do Bart and Connor have such dismal quarters?  Bart, at least, has been with the pirates for a while, and should have at least been able to obtain a better bed.

Vampirates had a good premise, but the obvious errors in grammar and fact made it hard for me to enjoy.

Only You can Save Mankind by Terry Pratchett

Sorry about the lack of an update yesterday.  A the time when I was about to write it, my computer wasn't with me.

The book starts with Johnny Maxwell playing a game called Only You can Save Mankind.  It's kind of like space invaders, only with much better graphics.  Every level, more of the ScreeWee aliens attack until you either beat the game or die.  Johnny has a hacked version that gives him a thousand or more lives.

All seems to be going normally until a message plays on his screen that appears to be from the ScreeWee: "We wish to talk."  He pauses it and leafs through the manual, but he can't find anywhere where the ScreeWee in the game are supposed to send him messages.  They tell Johnny that they want to surrender and they want him to help them get back to their home planet.  An interesting note here is that at first they tell him that they want to go back to Earth.  Johnny is horrified, but he soon learns that "Earth" is just what the translator gives for the ScreeWee word for their home planet.  This can also mean that the title of the book, as well as the game within the book, is meant as "Only you can save the ScreeWee" and "mankind" is just the translated version.

Soon, Johnny starts dreaming of the ScreeWee and of leading their fleet away, all the while killing off any player characters that want to kill the ScreeWee.  He thinks it's all just in his dreams until he learns that there have been worldwide complaints about all of the enemies disappearing from Only You can Save Mankind.  Of course, as Johnny learns in his dreams, some characters are willing to play for hours just so they can reach some ScreeWee to kill.  After that, you'll have to read to see what happens.

The whole time, Johnny interacts with his friends, Wobbler, Bigmac, and Yo-Less, watches as his parents get increasingly hostile to each other, and watches the Gulf War on TV.  The war causes Trying Times, which he believes means a bit more pocket money and a lot less adult interference.

Two scenes really stood out to me.  First of all, Wobbler created a game called Journey to Alpha Centauri, which is in real time and takes three thousand years to complete.  It reminds me a bit of Desert Bus, only taken to the extreme (Information on Desert Bus here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penn_&_Teller%27s_Smoke_and_Mirrors#Desert_Bus ).  The second was a much deeper part where the ScreeWee fleet finds an abandoned ship from a previous, more primitive civilization that had been completely wiped out.  It was a Space Invaders ship. 

The contrast between the game-looking war on the television and the war-looking game on the computer won't be lost on anybody.  Neither will the motif of there being no differences between the genders besides the ones we decide on.  Both are played well.

If you want a story that tickles your brain and your funny bone at the same time while keeping you desperate for the next page, Only You can Save Mankind is the book for you.

How to Confuse the Idiots in Your Life by Ben Goode

Hilarious.  A lot of the chapters are just funny quotes made up by the author.  The rest explain how to answer dumb questions posed by "idiots", which, by the author's definition, means anybody but him.  He makes himself out to be a hilariously horrible person.  Many times, it made me laugh out loud, and I was at least smiling through the whole book.

For example, people leave California after about the third or fourth time somebody in their family is hit by a drive-by shooting while sneaking out to get the newspaper.  In the quotes, it's a running gag to put some variation of "it sucks" ("I suck", "you suck", "he sucks", etc.) and attribute the quote to historical adolescents. 

The book was written to help people in a world where politicians and lawyers are all consistently evil.  It was written for those who reside where convoluted answers are perfectly acceptable and parking tickets are handed out on a regular basis.  In short, it's a funny book for people who live in a funny world.

Fire Dreams by Mallory Loehr

The three kids are tending a fire when a message appears in the fire.  Sparks form a piece of parchment.  It gives them instructions on how to travel by fire: they need to use copper in the morning, gold in the daylight, and silver at night.  The first time they travel, they end up smack in the middle of Hephaestus's forge.  They also create a new traveling companion, Junior the Child of Fire.  He is described as a golden robot who "looks like C-3PO" and acts a lot like C-3PO as well.  One could pretty much say that in everything but name, Junior is C-3PO.  They meet a Cyclops and go to mount Olympus on their second fire travel.  Read it to see what they do there and where they go with the last travel.

Joe seems to have learned his lesson.  He pauses a lot, as if barely restraining his inner jerk.  He actually listens to people younger than he is.  In fact, I would even say that Joe is no longer the most hate-able person in the story.

So far, the books have been all fun and frolic, but at the end of Fire Dreams, some serious stuff happens.  I can't really say whether this makes the books worse or makes them better.  They were fair as fun and frolic books, and the seriousness is a nice turn, but it could go either way.

Wind Spell by Mallory Loehr

Joe, Polly, and Sam find three feathers and a message from the sky right before their camping trip.  They soon meet Athena from Greek mythology and have to go on a quest to help a lonely hero.

Joe is back and worse than ever.  I was almost hoping that he'd be gone for good after the last book.  His defining character traits are not believing in magic, being bossy, and being too good for his younger siblings.  He also believes his memories are dreams.  One has to be pretty far up the Nile without a paddle for that to work.

One good thing that's a constant between these books is that the kids know who the Greek gods are from reading schoolbooks, comic books, and other literature.  Many books featuring Greek mythology assume that the protagonists need to be told who people like Athena and Zeus are, even though a general grasp of the Greek gods is common knowledge, at least in America.

There seem to be no real similarities between the books in this series aside from the characters.  None of the adventures have any relevance on each other, and these three books don't really build up for anything in the fourth book.  The last book will probably be just another unrelated adventure.

Earth Magic by Mallory Loehr

Polly and Sam are off to another adventure.  They find a piece of parchment hidden under a rock that gives them instructions for baby-sitting said rock.  When they bring it home people are surprised to find that the rock can move!  All of the adults are quite blind to the rock moving by anything magical, though.

Remember Joe from the last book?  The characters sure don't!  Reading just this book, it wouldn't even enter your mind that they had an older brother.  I don't think the word "Joe" came up a single time.  Wait, what am I typing about?  Who's Joe?  I don't know what I was thinking....

Instead of Joe, there is Audrey, an annoying but cute six-year-old who follows everybody around.  She sucks her thumb, which is odd for age six, but it is portrayed as normal in the book.  I liked her, but I don't think that just because a new character is added, an old one has to be completely forgotten.

Water Wishes by Mallory Loehr

I found this book, along with its three sequels yesterday.  I had it when I was little, but I never got around to reading the series.  Better late than never.  Water Wishes is about three kids who find a bottle with a piece of parchment in it (I probably wouldn't be able to recognize parchment on sight, and these kids are all younger than me.  They don't recognize anything else beyond their scope on sight.  Their parents must be black market parchment dealers or something.)  The parchment gives them three wishes.  The middle child, Polly, wishes to be a mermaid and become a mermaid for the night.  You'll have to read it to find out what the others wish for.

The three kids are portrayed with a very accurate (at least to my eyes) level of intelligence.  They aren't miniature adults, but they don't all seem two years old, either.  They know about as much as a seven-year-old, ten-year-old, and thirteen-year-old would be expected to know.  Very few books have this quality.

Besides them knowing what parchment looks like, there weren't any of the glaringly obvious errors that plague most children's books.  I enjoyed it and if I had a younger sibling, I'd probably give it to them to read if I liked them.

The Day Boy and the Night Girl by George MacDonald

This book was quoted withing the narrative at least three times, as far as I can recall, in Enclave, so I just had to read it.  Photogen and Nycteris have both been raised by the witch Watho.  Photogen is raised so that he never walks in shadow or sees the night.  He sunbathes often, even as a toddler.  He goes to sleep before the sun sets and awakens before it rises.  Nycteris, on the other hand, grows up in a building that has no light save a single, incredibly dim lamp.  She sees not even moonlight, until one night she follows the route her captor took outside and sees the glory of the night sky and outside air.  They meet each other, and both are scared of the realm of the other.

The night is not inherently bad and the day is not inherently good -- in fact, nothing is really seen as inherently bad.  Watho acts the way she does because she has a wolf trapped inside her head that makes her bad.  The prose is delicious.  It perfectly captures the fairy tale style without sounding stuffy and awkward.  I'm surprised that this gem from the past isn't a lot more popular, and it's certainly worth reading.  An online version can be found here: http://www.ccel.org/ccel/macdonald/daynight/files/daynight.html

The Death Cure by James Dashner

The Death Cure was a brilliant and thoughtful final book to a brilliant and thoughtful series.  Thomas and everybody in group A and group B start out in the main WICKED building, about to receive their memories.  Thomas, Minho, and Newt refuse, and they are led by Brenda to escape.  From there, longstanding ideas in the previous books are inverted as we finally figure out whether WICKED is good.  The twists are constant, and this doesn't feel cheesy.  In fact, some of the best parts were the twists in the very epilogue -- an explanation of the Flare virus surfaces that is much more sinister.

I loved The Maze Runner and The Scorch Trials. This third installment did not disappoint me.  Watch out if you want to see all of the main characters survive.  More than one doesn't.  Their deaths are chilling and heartbreaking at the same time.  In fact, their deaths, along with the death of Chuck from The Maze Runner, drive most of Thomas's actions.  In a world where WICKED could control anything, Thomas becomes incredibly attached to those he holds in his circle of trust.

The one large, glaring flaw in the book was the electricity grenades.  Electricity, as far as I know, does not work the way it does in the grenades.  Their power source would be better described as "magic".  The inaccuracies on electricity make the battle scene in the beginning a lot less harrowing than it could have been otherwise.  However, they are rarely used subsequently, so the author's lack of knowledge about electricity can easily be pardoned in the context of it being a great book.

Enclave by Anne Aguirre

 It has been, as said in the afterword, over 100 years since some sort of disaster (I won't say what) destroyed modern society.  Deuce lives underground in a rule-oriented and almost Spartan culture, where she achieves her lifelong dream of becoming a huntress who brings food and kills off some of the monsters known as "Freaks".  She is assigned a suicide mission with her partner, Fade, by her mean supervisor, Silk.  It turns out the Freaks are getting smarter and may overwhelm the College Enclave soon, but nobody believes Deuce or Fade when they return with the news.  Deuce steps in to save her friend from a horrible punishment, and both Deuce and Fade...

I'll let you read from there.

Enclave is magnificent, aside from a couple of factual errors.  I had fun reading the whole way through.  Half of it is a rich Dystopia, while the other half is a fun adventure.  Every page brings a new wonder to gape at or mull on.  So if I have two large paragraphs about the flaws, assume that this is only because it is much easier to write about the flaws of a book than the merits of one.  If you read Enclave, it will be one of the best decisions you will make.

The characters all spoke two languages.  One was conveyed by the vocal chords, the other by the eyeballs.  Or so it seemed, with the crazy intuition that everybody had.  At one point, the protagonist is wondering if Silk will think of her a certain way if she does a certain thing.   Fade is apparently able to answer her concern because he is able to read all of that from her face.  Did she give it away by twitching her "Silk muscle" too much?  Not to mention that she intuitively knows that "winter" sounds like a cold word and "soul" just sounds like the words she's heard from somebody dead.  If I used that kind of logic, I could just walk up to anybody and speak English with the assumption that they would have an intuitive knowledge of what the words mean.

One of the things that irked me about the book was how wonderfully fresh all of the canned foods were.  The author included a couple of pages at the end where she cited where she got the idea that canned foods would last hundreds of years.  Here is the website: http://www.internet-grocer.net/how-long.htm  This website is interesting.  It has a few stories of canned food lasting decades or, in three cases, over a century.  I don't think she picked up on the fact that those were extraordinary cases.  The website itself says "Now, we're not saying that our canned meats, canned cheese and canned butter will last 118 years, but we're pretty confident that you can get at least a 15-20 year shelf life out of them, in light of this article. (The manufacturer offers a 3 year guarantee.)  There's a second, similar story--this time American--following this one."  Also of note is how one of those extreme examples was from a sunken ship under thirty feet of silt.  The DSV Alvin was a sunken submersible found with completely unsealed sandwiches aboard after about a year that were still edible, though this may be partially attributed to the depth it was submerged at, which was several times that of the example.  In all of the website's examples, the cans were pretty much kept at the same low temperature the entire time.  In the book, on the other hand, these cans are found in New York houses, schools, and stores that haven't had heating in over a hundred years.  They would not still be edible.  On another, related note, I highly doubt that Stalker would have been able to learn to read as fast as he did.

Gaaaaah

No post today.  I don't have my Kindle with me and I've had a lot of schoolwork for a while.

The Invisible Man by H. G. Wells

What a wonderful book!  A brat of a man, prone to increasingly violent temper tantrums, is given the power of invisibility.  He was not a nice man to start with, but the invisibility corrupts him into a sadistic lunatic out to kill.  After all, killing is the only thing he can think of that one can do better when invisible than when visible.


The characters are fun.  Griffin moves from a whiny jerk to a homicidal maniac, partly because of his new found power.  Invisibility is shown to have numerous practical drawbacks.  For example, if he has no clothes on, his whole body, especially his feet, gets incredibly cold.

It reminded me a bit of The Stranger because of Griffin's cavalier attitude to causing others suffering and death.  He never stops to think of others except for to further his own means.  His character development involves him going from a replica of the protagonist of The Stranger to somebody who actively seeks out and enjoys murder.  This one's a classic for a reason.

Nightlight by the Harvard Lampoon

I laughed a lot during the first part of the book, but the laughs petered out as the story went on.  I was in hysterics every few sentences in the first chapter, but as time went on, they seemed to run out of humor.  It was also quite apparent that the authors have never read Twilight, the Wikipedia article on Twilight, or anybody's school report on Twilight.  The only scenes that were decent parodies were the ones based on the parts of Twilight that are now in popular knowledge.  Strangely enough, some slight details were accurately made fun of in the beginning that could only have come from somebody who has read Twilight, but it moves on to a vampire prom masquerade where Belle is wearing a full-body cast.

The character of Belle was one of its strong points.  She's a self-centered Mary-Sue who remains oblivious to everything around her.  I wouldn't say that Bella from Twilight was exactly this, but the humor around Belle's character had some truth in it. 

I moderately enjoyed Twilight, and I was hoping for a parody that would leave me laughing throughout.  It wasn't a bad parody; it just needed a bit more humor in the later chapters.  If you find yourself in a bookstore without enough time to read a full book, this might be a good choice.

Helper12 by Jack Blaine

I'm always a sucker for a dystopia.  Even though the book had romance as its main plot, the setting kept me reading.  Everybody's assigned at birth to a job, usually a horrendous one, and trained to know nothing more than the necessary amount of knowledge to fulfill that job.  They all go home to slums, with each one-room house having a handy video camera in it.  Most of the world is sealed off to them and they only know what they're supposed to.  Helper 12 is one of them.  She has a friend but nobody that she really cares about, until she and one of the babies she presides over are sold to a rich family that lives outside the system, in Society.  They are so rich that they have their own child and are getting a new one.  They experience things like grass and wood and personal servants.

The son of the two that bought Helper 12, Thomas, quickly and for literally no reason at all falls in love with Helper 12.  No reason.  Just "Hey, can you sit at the dinner table with me just because?  Oh, whoops, I fell in love!" There is never an explanation.  Besides that, though, the story doesn't seem to have any major flaws.  It's a good light read for somebody who loves dystopias and doesn't have much time before she has to post in her blog again.

The Sword of Good by Eliezer Yudkowsky

Here's a book that makes you laugh and think at the same time.  The hero of the story is named Hirou.  If you don't get it, try saying it out loud.  He's been transported from modern-day Earth to a fantasy realm that he turns out to be the prince of.  Hirou's weapon of choice is the bluntly named Sword of Good that destroys its owner if the owner doesn't have good intentions.  There's a prophecy involved that he will face the Lord of Dark and be given a choice between Good and Bad.  Of course, Hirou instantly tells his friends that he'll choose good: the options being named "good" and "bad" are kind of a giveaway for him, as well as the bad guy being called the "Lord of Dark" and numerous other blatant wordings.  It turns out at the end that it's a tad more complicated than that, but I'll let you read it and see what happens.  It's an online book, and you can read it here: http://yudkowsky.net/other/fiction/the-sword-of-good

Up almost until the very end, it delivers wonderful humor.  The last part transitions into high drama that will keep you turning the -- scrolling your mouse until the last sentence is done.  The Sword of Good deconstructs the typical aspects of a fantasy story.  Hirou is able to question the normal fantasy conventions because he comes from our world.  If you were told you'd be given a choice between good and bad and then asked which one you'd pick in the future, you'd say good without hesitation too.  The other characters are all surprised when he does this, too, for added laughs.

The only real flaw I noticed was that it mentions the TV tropes wiki.  I love TV tropes.  I spend hours at a time on it when I'm supposed to be doing schoolwork.  I know almost all of the regular terminology, and I love reading about TV tropes... on TV tropes.  When somebody references a term from TV tropes outside of the website, it never comes off well.  Mentioning the website itself sounds even worse, staining the next few paragraphs with a bad feeling of pretentiousness. 

Except for the single sentence about TV tropes, however, the book was enjoyable, thought-provoking, and amusing throughout.  If you're stuck somewhere with only your laptop and need a good book, The Sword of Good would be an excellent choice.

Undine by Penni Russon

Undine is about a perfectly normal girl who discovers that she has magic powers.  Wow, how new-sounding!  Why is it always the normal ones who get magic?  Her good friend Trout has a crush on her, but she likes his older brother Richard.  This is one of the driving forces of the plot, unfortunately.  I'm not a big fan of romance at all, and watching it be almost the sole focus of part one was boring to read.  Also, do not be misled by the title.  The main character, Undine, is not a sea nymph but a girl.

One of the main points of Undine is Shakespeare's play, The Tempest.  It's mentioned throughout the book, there are characters named after characters in The Tempest, and Trout and Prospero (yes, that's his name) are obsessed with it.  I've never read The Tempest, but I have the funniest feeling that if I do, it will share some remarkable similarities with Undine.

The magic she gets is interesting.  It's called "chaos magic" in the book, but it has nothing to do with actual chaos magic.  The modern tradition of chaos magic is based upon using your belief in something or your desire for something for magical purposes.  In the book, chaos magic is about chaos theory, where small changes in the way something is at the beginning end up causing major differences, especially over long periods of time.  Undine apparently can control small things that happen enough that she can create storms, grow to several times the size of the Earth, and turn dead fish into people.

Undine wasn't a terrible book, but it was definitely below average.  If you see it on the shelf in your library and are attracted by the name or cover, you might want to consider picking up a different book instead.

Three Worlds Collide by Eliezer Yudkowsky

I'm back and better that ever!  If you like it here, you might also want to mosey on over to my other blog, which is the same thing only for music videos.  www.blogger.com/musicvideoperdiem

Today I review a book published on the internet.  You yourself can read it here: http://lesswrong.com/lw/y5/the_babyeating_aliens_18/

It's not a spoiler at all to say that the first aliens that the humans meet eat their own young.  The title of part one is "The Baby-Eating Aliens" and it mentions those aliens in the description.  These aliens spawn thousands of babies and then eat them when they would be preteens as far as development goes.  It's not like the babies they eat are without intelligence, either.  They're about the same as human children.  Is this some strange fanatic sect on this planet?  No.  It's just how the aliens are culturally.  Their word for "good" translates as "baby-eating".  This is a stark contrast to aliens who have moral systems identical to ours and only have a few cultural quirks.  The author even wrote a separate article about how aliens in most science fiction stories are just human counterparts, no matter how funny-looking they are: http://lesswrong.com/lw/so/humans_in_funny_suits/

The book, of course, deals with rationality, something that the entire rest of the website is about.  The interesting part, though, is how different the two sets of aliens are from us.  It's almost hard to imagine living as one of the baby eating aliens or the super happy people, who are the second set of aliens encountered.  I won't spoil it, but I liked the first ending a lot better than the "true" ending, even though the latter was supposed to be the happy ending.  I really didn't see what was wrong with the... alterations.

All in all, it was a good book.  Impeccably written, Three Worlds Collide told a fun story with aliens who will most likely be on my mind for weeks to come as I try to imagine being among them.